Creating my own life - what a concept??

I've talked a shit ton about struggle on this blog. It seems like it is my outlet for being on the "struggle bus" as of late. I'm kind of tired of my own vibe in that regard...

The bottom line is that I want to be good to myself. I want to make decisions that remove any sort of self-doubt, self-sabotage, self-flagellation, self-hatred...self-(insert negative word). I want to do a good job at work, and engage in a fulfilling and exciting life outside of work, full of adventure. I feel stifled in that "adventure" part. There is this habit loop whereby the week is structured and full and the weekends are empty and (I'm sorry to say it) boring. In the past, I've equated adventure with alcohol. I think it started when I lived in Atlanta. There were many nights where I would go to the bar alone and meet all kinds of people because I was more outgoing and relaxed when drinking. People were the same. It was a way to connect. Then we would have porch socials. The scene was small enough that some of that would exist beyond the bar. There was a whole community focused around alcohol and food and music. Those were some of the best days and memories of my life.

I want to connect with others and experience things. I've had this happen at CrossFit gyms, yoga studios, and other torturous exercise facilities. In those environments, we connect on some other form of reality and then retreat back to our regularly scheduled program. You might tell me "that is life." I disagree. I have this friend, Liza. She is constantly doing stuff - crazy stuff. I think sometimes she is irresponsible with money. She doesn't drink. She loves people and doesn't give a shit what they think about her. She's taken her hobbies and made them her life. There is a certain amount of energy required to carry some of this stuff forward. I don't know if it starts as a big idea in her head, or just grows into something as time goes on and she gets more people involved. Regardless, she's done several things that would be defined as "life time" experiences.

I do have a certain level of dissatisfaction with the current cycle of life. I also have a young child at home and have to respect the need for consistency. That said, I would also love for him to grow up outside of that cycle. I'd love for him to experience more adventure and connection with others.

One of the things I feel like I lack around all of this is energy. The energy to plan. The energy to carry out. Just walking around at the Ecotarium the other day was exhausting. Do I need carbs? Hahahaha... so there are two things I would like to focus on - improving energy and having more adventure. Next, I will figure out what those two ideas look like in my life.