New Goals

Still shooting for 65 kg on the snatch - got 62 today.
I got 75kg on the clean and jerk today (previous goal was 70). New goal is 80kg.

That is all....

Goals - Breaking things down

At this point in my life I am focusing on a few things - my family, my work, and being healthy. Along with those things I'm trying to find balance, contentment and purpose in them all. Focusing on "being healthy" (in this post) involves many things - there is fitness, challenge, diet, skill, success, failure, sweat, tears, strength, endurance and among many other things, peace. One of the key facts is that exercise is a factor in finding that balance, for me.

I'm not sure what I was expecting. To walk on that wooden platform and magically lift 155lbs over my head with ease. To snatch perfectly each and every time? To make all of my attempts? Each success is built off of many failures. Many attempts. Many trials and errors. Some of these olympic lifters have been doing it since they were young. It is a part of who they are. I should know this. Just look at me when I started crossfit to now. I couldn't get past a 185 pound back squat. Now I throw 210 around for 5 reps. And that isn't where I'm going to stop. That is a number along the path of trial and error.

Ok - great. So now I know that I had unrealistic expectations for how successful I was going to be from the start. The next piece of the puzzle is contentment. The struggle of building strength is real. But where is the fun in it? For me, it is usually the connection to others going through the same struggle. I grew up playing team sports. We all were in it for the same overall goal - different individual reasons, but globally the same goal. There are others... but they are out there in an unconnected sort of way. So what are my personal goals?
Current attainable goals are as follows:
65 kg snatch
70 kg clean and jerk
Drop 4 kg


Right? In crossfit it was never - "I want to be a games competitor." It was, "I'm going to get 5 pull ups". Or, "I'm going to deadlift 290 pounds." Silly me. The struggle is the purpose. The struggle is the happiness. Without struggle there is no success.

I really need to focus on the journey more.

Struggle

"There is scarcely any passion without struggle.”
- Albert Camus

I'm sure it's a real shocker to hear that I am struggling...again. I'm wiggling and wobbling. I used to be so passionate about CrossFit. The challenges and mastery of skills. The conquering of the WOD. The new PRs. The 20 unbroken double unders. The clean diet. The paleo lifestyle. Then, the competitions. The accomplishments. Ho hum....

What direction am I going? Where will I end up?

Next interim goal is to tackle the platform at an Olympic lifting competition....

Finding the reason...(nope not there yet)

I have many reasons for doing the things I do. Some out of necessity and some out of comfort. For example, I commute day in and day out to my good job to support my family. My son needs diapers, food and clothes. My wife needs a house, heat and a nice bed (among other things). So the pain is worth it, as there is a reason for doing it.

I move because I have to. Exercise has been a necessity for me since my youth. It fights fatigue and provides me an outlet to manage stress. Over the years the type of exercise has changed - volleyball, softball, rugby, swimming, running, Bikram Yoga and CrossFit. One of the key attributes of each of these activities for me, is a mindlessness. At some point the mind and body dissociate. Breathing takes over, the mind shuts down and the body just does. That is where there is peace for me.

There has always been that stage of learning - figuring things out. I'm slightly obsessive, so I rerun things over and over in my mind until my body does it. This, of course, clogs my brain and causes me some anxiety. I'm realizing (through this activity of writing) that the training I'm doing with Risto doesn't have that mindless component yet. Every lift. Every movement. Every muscle. Every pull and push and squat and press. It all takes my brain to figure out. And the second it doesn't, I have pain...which brings me back into my brain and disrupts my breathing. 

There is nothing more frustrating for an athlete than pain.... Seriously....

I have options though, moving forward.... I signed up for a year with Risto, so I plan to complete my year. In the meantime:
1. I can incorporate more mindless activities - such as running, or crossift, or swimming.
2. I can stop being so obsessive about this training and try to just move. This might also be part of my block in mastering the movements.
3. I can try to take a step back and stop pressuring myself.
4. I can incorporate more meditation or yoga into my routine.

5. I can write more.

So these are all ways to cope with the change in training and to overcome the curve that is learning.

It's still not the reason for picking up Olympic Lifting as a sport at the age of 40...

Olympic Lifting drama

When I started CrossFit I was introduced to the "olympic lifts" - the "Snatch" and the "Clean and Jerk". (Yes, I'm sure men came up with the names of these movements.) In any case, I've had a small obsession with mastering them ever since. So...I decided to pair up with Risto Sports this year to try it all out....

This might be one of the hardest things I've done in all my life. For many reasons, some of which I'll capture here, and some of which I will probably leave out accidentally.

1. I started solely lifting for a reason. I've forgotten the reason exactly.
2. Training is full of volume, with low intensity (weights)...so they say. Sometimes those "light" weights are fucking heavy.
3. My body hurts. I have many reasons for this, but want to try to avoid making excuses.
4. The training is kind of boring. It is repetitive.
5. I love CFA, but they have no oly official lifting equipment. I am doing snatches with a 45# bar. Have you ever seen my thumbs? Hook is hard on that bar and my grip goes out after 115#.
6. Training is done alone, at the box, by myself, with myself...no external distractions... at 5:15 am... enough said.
7. I'm trying to lose weight to get into the next weight class. The average height of those in that weight class is 6 cm shorter than me. Those lucky bitches.
8. I have to wear a onsie or unitard to compete and I'm a modest son of a gun.
9. I want so badly to buy a 15kg bar, but 1. I'm kind of low on cash and 2. I want to make sure I stick with this. It seems slightly questionable at the moment.
10. There is a community in oly lifting that I am missing out on. Maybe I have to compete once with them to "join the club".
11. I'm 40, obsessive and have a family.
12. I wake up at night - 1:30 AM to be exact, obsessing over the clean and jerk, night after night.
13. When I get in the gym to practice my obsession, my shoulder hurts and nothing feels right.
14. My coach tells me I'm doing great... My "form is ok".... Hahaha. that's like a slap in the face.
15. I want to be great, but, once again, am feeling just ok.
16. This all reminds me of my first year playing softball. I was a catcher, on a slow pitch team. That means I was the worst player. I tried out for the traveling team that year and was devastated when I didn't make it. I stuck with it though and became really good. That first year though, was at the age of 7. 
17. I'm 40. What am I thinking?
18. If only I had a 15kg bar to train with.
19. Why the fuck won't this bar go over my head today? It did yesterday!!
20. Why am I doing this again?

Stay tuned into the drama that is my figuring out why the hell I'm doing this....?????