Day 1 of making different choices

I turned 42 last week and for some reason this birthday felt like more. It's not the number, really. You could turn 50 and I would say, "it's just a number." I believe that. The reality for me though is that I am that number. I still feel like I'm that little frickin' 20 year old. I'm not though. Definitely not.

I'm so much happier, more settled and deeply committed to my family. Instead of touring the country with the Indigo Girls, I'm happy geocaching with my son. Instead of smoking cigarettes, I'm content throwing big weights around. (Some people would argue that it is just as destructive.. though I beg to differ.) I still drink. I still swear. I am still goofy. My life is not about me anymore. I get up and go to work for my son and for my wife. Some weeks I really do work for the weekend. Some weeks are productive and satisfying.

I was thinking on my birthday that I would launch a new project called, "make different choices." It is easy to get caught in a rhythm or a cycle - some destructive and some for survival. The thing is that if I find myself obsessing over any of it - it is time to make a different choice. As such, I'm trying to get rid of the things that have bothered me over the years. One of my issues (as you know) has been social media. So, I unfriended the people I was upset about, and you know what? I feel better.

The other - I drink too frequently. Why does anyone have to drink on a Tuesday? Because it was a tough day. Well, it's time to make a different choice. Tuesdays are not for drinking.

I am excited to keep up this endeavor. If it bothers me - it's time to make a different choice. It could be a different outlook. It could be a different path or a different decision. The purpose is to stop getting caught up in the cycle of do and abuse myself about it. I'm done with it. Too old for that shit. Onward.

Push it or rest it?

When you think back through the years, do you ever say to yourself - "if I had it to do over again, I would..." Honestly, I would only do any of it over again, if I knew what I know now. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way and the years just keep passing by. With that, I've noticed many physical changes happening. It takes longer to recover from work outs. My eyes are starting to do weird things. I'm still getting acne in my 40s (though that chemical peel seems to be helping that). Weight is harder to drop and much easier to put on. All of those things said - my mind is quieter. I'm much more tolerant of people I love, and less so of those I don't. I'm more committed to my family and career.

One thing that has not changed is my stubborn ability to push through pain. When I'm committed to something, I'm committed. As you know, I'm struggling with some shoulder issues. I've been in PT since February and have continued to lift weights throughout. I won a gold at Nationals and posted a new PR competition total. I'm finally part of a team and have been acknowledged as such. Now I'm in. All in. Fully in. Except my shoulders are not. I say shoulderssssssssssss. Yes, both of them. That's what is troubling me. One, I can deal with.

Last week I visited my doctor. I fessed up about the Nationals competition and she asked me if I had any other comps. Well, yes - I do. May 28th in fact. Now, my left shoulder is feeling better. It really is. With that she said that she thought the PT could help get me through that comp, at which point I would then take a break. Then she started doing her stupid, orthopedic, doctor, shoulder twisting tests... and, she changed her mind. I'm not to compete and I'm also to stop doing anything overhead. Anything except what the PT has me doing.

So here I am. Knowing full well the kind of person I am and the fact that I'm committed to a team.

What would you do?