I have been full of anxiety lately. My family and I have undergone significant changes in the last two months, with more to come. Mind you, all of these changes are good. They just take time to adapt - and my 3 year old is handling it all like a rock star.
First, we moved out of our house into my mom's house - the "gray" house. We are slowly working on making this also "our" house by integrating our stuff into hers. This is all an experiment. Hopefully the living situation works well and we can find a mutually beneficial harmony in living together.
Second, we put our "green" house on the market. Within 24 hours we had 3 offers on the table. All offers were over our asking price. We've signed the purchase and sale and are awaiting the appraisal on Wednesday. There are so many points at which this could break down that I feel like I'm on the edge of my seat, constantly. I'm praying, praying that this works out and visualizing us at closing on October 31.
Third, I accepted a new job. This is fantastic news, as the new office is 3 miles from home. I'll also be in a position to create something amazing - a new research infrastructure at a small primarily undergraduate institution. I, of course, had to let my current boss know about this and he didn't initially take it that well. I have a real problem with letting people down, and this was no different. Extricating myself from my current job has been one of the most emotionally challenging experiences. I have worked with this office for the last 6 years and have had changing relationships with all staff and boss over those years - from peer, to colleague, to friend, to boss, to employee, etc. Also, this change is more than just a job change. It is a lifestyle change. I will win back, at minimum, 15 hours of my life each week by not commuting to Cambridge each day. That means, more time with my kid, my wife, my friends/family and the gym!! With this change though, there will be a gap in insurance. Since I am the insurance provider for the family, this is causing me great stress. I know there is Cobra and all of that, but I'm still stressed about it. The new insurance at Merrimack isn't as good as Harvard, so there is that.
Fourth, Walker started pre-school. He's going to school 3 full days a week. This is great, but adds stress to me because, should he get sick in the next few months, with my new job and all, I won't be able to take time off. Which leads me to the last stressor - again, all good.
Fifth, Damema started working. It's only part time, but it means she isn't around whenever to care for Walker. I have been so stressed about him getting sick after this week. We strategically got him a flu shot on Friday so that if he should have any side effects we would be able to manage before my new job started. Sure enough, last night a fever erupted and this morning he is throwing up (standard fever response for him).
So now what? Well, I can't control any of this. I try running to calm my mind - and it works for a bit. Alcohol also helps a bit, except when awakened at 4 in the morning with a puke fest (from the toddler) with a 7 mile run scheduled. CrossFit helps as does talking/writing about it. I guess this is one of those rides of life - the loopty loop ones. Highs/lows - the anxiety build of climbing that hill just to go plunging down at full speed, to gain the momentum needed to rise up again. Rollercoasters are fun - right??
In any case. I've asked for all of this. I've wanted these particular changes - to some degree or another and I am anxiously grateful and calmly terrified.
