I spent the last year and a half or so trying to perfect my diet and find the right body composition for me. How self centered...
There's now a new little man in town and he's messing with my world. I'm changing. I look at my life and I have everything. I have a good paying job, a lovely wife, an awesome little baby, three happy dogs, a house, cars, a great CrossFit community, etc. Yet, things feel weird. There is a new normal - a slow moving train that I keep trying to jump onto.
We've decided it's best that Damema stay home with the baby. Between dog and baby care it is just more economical. That makes me the bread winner. I'm fine with that, really. I am pursuing a career - or am I? Is it worth all the trouble? The stress. Is it really that stressful or am I just incapable of managing myself now with this little guy in the house? There is less sleep, but we're working that out. I do have more fat in the middle, which I'm trying to work out. There is the stress of less money, but we'll work that out. There is the commute - oh the commute. I've stopped driving again and am now back on the train. No longer in control of how long the commute takes (as if I ever was) - but then again I get to read and breathe. Should be less stressful - right?
The house is a mess. Laundry is a constant struggle, as are the dishes. It is hot outside and we are stuck inside. The weekends are spent trying to create order in the chaos of the home or yard. The neighbors want the bushes cut to 6'. I heard a noise in the night - is someone breaking in? I've added another drug into my regimen trying to get the RA back under control. Does my stomach hurt because of that? I feel zoned out like a zombie, moving from one place to another. Ice cream sounds good. Shoot I drank wine last night. I feel fat.
Oh my gosh, make it stop. There is a baby and he's growing up fast. You'll miss it because you're caught up in all this crap.
There are three things that really matter to me. My family. My health. My job. I want to excel at my job and come up with answers to all the problems. I lack the emotional and intellectual fortitude to put the extra energy into it right now (or do I?). That is causing stress and affecting my health. My family is great, but the new man on the block has changed things. The dynamics are different and the patterns are different. That is causing stress. The house is in shambles (or is it?).
Ok - I see this blog entry is not going to clarify anything for me today. Except that I'm a head case at the moment.
I think I'll go for a run.
