I turned 42 last week and for some reason this birthday felt like more. It's not the number, really. You could turn 50 and I would say, "it's just a number." I believe that. The reality for me though is that I am that number. I still feel like I'm that little frickin' 20 year old. I'm not though. Definitely not.
I'm so much happier, more settled and deeply committed to my family. Instead of touring the country with the Indigo Girls, I'm happy geocaching with my son. Instead of smoking cigarettes, I'm content throwing big weights around. (Some people would argue that it is just as destructive.. though I beg to differ.) I still drink. I still swear. I am still goofy. My life is not about me anymore. I get up and go to work for my son and for my wife. Some weeks I really do work for the weekend. Some weeks are productive and satisfying.
I was thinking on my birthday that I would launch a new project called, "make different choices." It is easy to get caught in a rhythm or a cycle - some destructive and some for survival. The thing is that if I find myself obsessing over any of it - it is time to make a different choice. As such, I'm trying to get rid of the things that have bothered me over the years. One of my issues (as you know) has been social media. So, I unfriended the people I was upset about, and you know what? I feel better.
The other - I drink too frequently. Why does anyone have to drink on a Tuesday? Because it was a tough day. Well, it's time to make a different choice. Tuesdays are not for drinking.
I am excited to keep up this endeavor. If it bothers me - it's time to make a different choice. It could be a different outlook. It could be a different path or a different decision. The purpose is to stop getting caught up in the cycle of do and abuse myself about it. I'm done with it. Too old for that shit. Onward.
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