Erratic

So I finally closed the loop on something that was bothering me for a good portion of 2014. The meeting was really great, though I learned some interesting things.

Let me set up some background.

I had probably the most stressful job of my life, combined with the arrival of my son between 2012-2014. The job required that I be on the computer first thing in the morning, all day and last thing before bed. I was even "on call" during the birth of my son and the subsequent parental leave. To give you an idea of the environment - I was entitled to 4 weeks parental leave, which I took half of up front. I then took the second half on Fridays over the summer. At 4 months, Walker had to have surgery to open up a fused plate in his head to allow things to grow correctly. The executive director of my center asked me to use the last 2 weeks of parental leave during that surgery even though they were TWO SEPARATE EVENTS!!!!!

On top of all this, I was coaching CrossFit - which was/is a passion. Because I hated my job so much, I wanted more than anything to transition to coaching full time. There were a few problems with that though - 1) I am the primary bread winner. 2) I have the health insurance through my employer. 3) I make a lot of money and coaching full time would have been a huge pay cut.

CF was my get away - a place I could work out and help others to better themselves. What I think happened was that at some point the guy I worked for felt like I was drifting away. At that point, he stopped interacting with me on social media. (I hate that social media has any impact at all, by the way.) This guy though, in my mind, was family and a very good friend, so his lack of responding on FB to me was him drifting away from me -- which felt like a stake in the heart. I had been loyal and committed to coaching and supporting his business. In the interim, he changed his model and started treating me, a friend, like an employee - which was a further stake in the heart. In his mind, I was drifting away, so he stopped supporting any CrossFit related things on FB. Over the next 6 months or so the drift widened and I needed to figure out a way to make my life less stressful -- which ultimately resulted in leaving the CF I was coaching at.

In any case -- the meeting taught me that from his point of view - I was erratic or "unpredictable".

1) I was erratic in mood, direction, goals, scheduling, etc. Not ever in my coaching though. I was consistent and loyal and committed to the clients well-being. I don't think that is what we're talking about though.
2) I wasn't just an employee if I was considered erratic...
3) Some people aren't the people you tell everything to. My stress was palpable and unfortunately, this guy was super stressed too. I think together, it was too much.
4) He still cares. 

I feel relieved and grateful to be on the other side of this turmoil.